Pause for Reflection #9 - Break your own rules....
Have you ever thought about breaking your own rules? This month as I #pauseforreflection I intend sharing my own journey on breaking my own rules, letting go, releasing myself of expectations and finding more freedom from those pesty behavioural and mental patterns that don’t always serve me.
On my morning walk I passed a fit, older woman jogging...or rather doing a limping-shuffle. Her knees knocked and all strapped up, her face pained and full of determination. This used to be me – I’d run each morning for a few weeks at a time and then spend the next few weeks not being able to walk, practise yoga or even sleep pain free.Then as soon as I was marginally better, the cycle would start over. I’d run no matter what. But eventually the pain got so debilitating that I had a realisation – I either find another way or end up not being able to walk at all without surgical intervention or a diminished quality of life. I rarely run now – just the odd sprint when I get the urge. I walk up hills for cardio, along paths for enjoyment and dedicate my devotion to physical movement through yoga – and you know what, no one died, I’m no less fit and I’m pain free.
I have so many rules – we all do: drink a glass of warm water as soon as I wake; exercise every morning rain, hail or shine; write a newsletter for clients every month (running late with this one!); make my bed before I leave the house no matter how time poor I am; clean up the autumn leaves as they fall or the lawn will die; don’t eat before 11am or after 7pm; always clean up after a dinner party before going to bed; pack spares of everything for holidays even if going to a well serviced destination; rotate sleeping-mattress quarterly; never swim on a full stomach; never wear jeans to the Theatre;...etc. They seem rather trivial when you write them out.. Then there is all the social etiquette stuff that I’m so beholden to or the obligations I feel around what I think is the right thing to do or the constructs I have because of my upbringing. Rules, rules rules - they are endless. Some of these rules serve me and some of them are real impositions, even stresses. The minute I twigged that they are just mental constructs in my own head, I had a huge shift. No one except you is in your head.
If I learned one thing from my 6 month long Yoga Teacher Training, it’s that humans have faced the same mental obstacles for thousands of years. The ancient writings of all philosophies and religions touch on them in one way or another. The patterns that we are so beholden to, no matter how much pain, struggle or separation they cause us are hard to let go as most of us are programmed to go with what we know, no matter the cost. Our modern way of life, with its regimented, fast-pace, contemplation-time poor, technology driven existence may exacerbate our need to be in control.
Last week, on a –(minus)8 degree morning, I broke my own rule and didn’t go for a walk. I lived!! In fact, I celebrated my decision. Furthermore on Sunday morning while my husband went to tennis and I would ordinarily jump out of bed early and get on my walk, I stayed under the covers and listened to the radio for a while….bliss and struggle at the same time. Knowing I ‘should’ get on with my day but enjoying the moments of stillness. That non-dualistic thinking where we can entertain 2 ways of being/feeling rather than an either/or as a pathway to challenge our way of living. I’ve become more conscious of breaking my own rules. I've become more curious, comfortable with that non-dualistic way of being where there exists a plus and minus at the same time and I’ve taken more responsibility for my own wellbeing…and it has afforded me more freedom.
We can all benefit from letting go and surrendering. It may be about letting go of expectations, prejudices or habitual patterns that do not serve us. Going one step further, when we consider how little control we have over most things, having no attachment to the outcomes of relationships, life events, work and life in general, is the ultimate freedom – the secret lies in being present. As John O’Donohue reminds us, “the world rests at night…the darkness absolves everything;… the struggle for identity and impressions fall away…The dawn is a refreshing time, a time of possibility and promise.” And so today matters and if you try and fail, tomorrow will follow and bring opportunity to the possibility of trying a new way of being in the world.
Go on, I dare you…What rule will you break today?
This poem by Portia Nelson captures our humanity beautifully:
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost…I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
II
I walk done the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit. My eyes are open.
I know where I am. It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hold in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
As ever, the challenge - To truly understand that what we give out eventually comes back to us.
Until next time….Keep Shining,
Trish x
WORK WITH ME – Executive and Career Coach-Mentoring (or perhaps join one of my Yoga Classes).
Contact me today - trish@wisdominone.com.au or call (61) 411 626 549
I am the Principal of Wisdom in One. I have been working with and Coach-Mentoring Leaders for over 25 years. At Wisdom in One, our commitment is to a practical and holistic approach to achieving life balance for the mind, body, heart and soul; ensuring we take care of ourselves, each other and the world in order to create a better future for our children.
I not only believe but know that LEADERSHIP IS A RESPONSIBILITY AND IT IS SACRED.
By looking at and developing awareness about how we live, lead and work, we can create a powerful sense of 'knowing' and consciousness about what impact we have on our own lives, our health, others around us and our environment. By tapping into this wisdom, we can grow, change and live a fuller, richer life and make positive and enlightened contributions. Leaders have real-time impact on a community’s stability, sustainability and collective wellbeing. Therefore Leaders have a responsibility to their own wellbeing.
The challenge - To truly understand that what we give out eventually comes back to us.
visit my website: www.wisdominone.com.au
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https://www.wisdominone.com.au/blogs
June 2025